Black Dragon
by CherryXButterfly
Summary: When Shay left for New York, she never thought that she would return to find the Akatsuki in her house. With bar fights, evil leprichauns, and falling buckets of paint, the Akatsuki will never be the same...
1. Chapter 1

_Okay! I've been planning this one for a looooooooooong time. I created it for a friend, and she'll show up later on. So you can know, my happy friend is who I based Maya on, and my weird friend…alright, weirder friend, is who I based Claire on. And the one for Claire's base has a dog, so yeah…Anyways; my brother is also going to show up. For future notice, I based Shay on my self. So, if you want to be mentioned, send me a review with the name you want and your personality. I'll find somewhere just for you. For the record, you'll probably be a friend from school, or someone who goes to Shay's work place. -_- Yeah._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. _

_______________________________________________________________________

Opening her eyes, Maya groaned as she read the time on the clock. It was about two in the morning, and her friend's stupid dog wouldn't shut up!

"Claire," she whined, kicking her friend, "Wake up!"

The other girl groaned, slowly waking up. She was sleeping in a bed, while Maya was on the floor in a sleeping bag.

"What?" she snarled, brushing her red-streaked-with-black hair out of her face.

"Leon won't shut up," Maya told her.

"So shut him up!" Claire growled.

"You're being lazy! That's Shay's job!" Maya pouted.

"Shut up and do it!" Claire snapped.

Maya walked out the door, grumbling. She walked down the stairs and into a small hallway that was closed off from the rest of the house. It opened into the living room, and that was where Leon was, barking up a storm. Maya opened her mouth to yell at the dog, when a voice beat her to it.

"Shut up you stupid mutt!" a voice snarled, and there was a smack and a soft whimper.

Maya stopped, and began to think. That wasn't her voice, and someone had obviously just smacked Claire's dog and shut it up. But it wasn't her. So, who was it then? And why did the voice sound so familiar to her?

"Well done Kisame, that dog could have given away our location," a dark voice came out of the living room.

Maya's eyes widened. That's why it was so familiar!

"Tobi, go see if anyone's here and bring them to me," the voice commanded again.

Maya paled then ran up the stairs, shutting the bed room door.

"Claire! Get up, get up, get UP!" Maya cried, shaking her friend, who had gone back to sleep.

"Uh…what is it? Did Leon eat something he shouldn't have again?" Claire whined.

"No! The Akatsuki is here! We are so going to die! We will totally die!" Maya cried, dragging her friend out of the bed and onto the floor.

"Wha…they can't be here, they don't exist," Claire yawned, still getting under the bed.

"Ten bucks Tobi walks through that door," Maya whispered.

"You're on," Claire woke up at the mention of money.

The door opened, and a shadowy figure walked into the room. The girls grabbed each other, and Maya let out a shriek as the figure pulled them out from under the bed by their ankles, and dragged them to the living room, kicking, in Claire's case, and screaming.

"Oh my God!" Claire screamed out, "This is assault! I will send your butt to jail when I get free! Just you wait! I know a lawyer!"

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die!" Maya hysterically cried.

The figure let go of their ankles, leaving them on the living room carpet, hugging each other. Claire, being the genius that she is, decided to threaten their captors.

"You guys demons or something?" she snarled, "I've watched Supernatural buddy; I know how to take you down! Just give me some spray paint and a DVD player, and we'll see whose laughing!"

"Quiet," a cold voice ordered.

Claire stopped talking, and just glared at the direction the voice came from.

"You two, where are we?" it demanded.

"Say please," Claire told the voice, going with her usual snappish attitude, "and who are you anyway?"

The lamp turned on, revealing a man with many piercing on his face. His red eyes had rings in them, and were narrowed at the two girls.

"We're the Akastuki," Pein told them.

Claire had a bright idea.

"Never heard of you guys," she lied. All of the people in the house we're anime fans, so of course they knew about the Akatsuki.

"How could you have never heard of us?" Kisame showed up in the light.

"Weeelllll, obviously we're from another world," Maya had caught on to Claire's scheme.

"Really, then where are we?" Pein demanded.

"Santa Barbra," Maya wanted to live.

"California," Claire also wanted to live.

"The United States," Maya stared at the now revealed Akatsuki.

"North America," Claire was looking for her dog.

"Earth." Maya.

"The Milky Way." Claire.

"Here," both said at the same time.

A tense silence over fell the gathered criminals, and two girls. Claire then broke it into a thousand tiny pieces.

"Any one seen my dog?" she asked no one in particular.

"Yeah, I hit the stupid thing," Kisame grinned, hoping to gain a reaction. Her actual reaction wasn't the one they were going for.

"Seriously? Where is that idiot?" Claire continued to look for him, "Thank you for that. Stupid thing wouldn't shut up!"

"Who are you exactly?" Konan asked, getting everyone back on track.

"Oh! I'm Maya, and that's Claire," Maya smiled, "The dog is Leon. We're missing Shay, cause she's in New York. You're pretty lucky. She's demonic when she can't sleep."

Silence. Then with a pained sigh, Pein turned to his minions.

"Kakuzu, Hidan, take the red haired one and interrogate her," he ordered, "Itachi, Kisame, you two have the crazy one."

"Should we integrate the dog to Leader-sama?" Tobi asked.

"Tobi, shut up un," Deidara sighed.

_Please review! Like I said earlier, if you want a part in the story, tell me the name you want and your personality you want! If you don't review, the evil leprechauns will tie you up and force you to watch __Tellei Tubbies__. Yes, that's why they're evil. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Here's chapter two! Let the randomness begin! : ) So, if you want to be mentioned, send me a review with the name you want and your personality. I'll find somewhere just for you. For the record, you'll probably be a friend from school, or someone who goes to Shay's work place. -_- Yeah._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. _

_______________________________________________________________________

Claire glared at Hidan. She hated the guy, she really did. It was his entire fault that Asuma died! The (censored). So now, she was stuck in Shay's bedroom getting interrogated by him. If that room was destroyed, they were all dead, Akatsuki or not. But, because she didn't want to be rude, she basically spent half the time glaring at Hidan, and then switched her glare to Kakuzu every couple of seconds.

"So, little girl," Kakuzu began, "Where are we?"

Claire's eye twitched, "Did you not just hear me? You're in Santa Barbra!"

"Santa Barbra doesn't exist," Hidan told her, sneering.

"Then where are we? Mario?" Claire growled.

"Why were you and your friend in the same room?" Kakuzu asked.

"None of your business you jerk," Claire stuck out her tongue.

"Yep. She's a (censored)," Hidan told his partner.

"You're the (censored)!" Claire yelled, any form of self control lost.

*

Out in the backyard, Maya stared at Kisame. Kisame stared right back at her. She continued to stare. Itachi watched impassively. Then, Maya grinned.

"If my friend Jack was here, she'd be so dead," Maya giggled.

Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Is there anyone else who lives here?" he asked, thinking that this Jack person would walk in on them.

"Yeah, but she won't be back for a while. That's Shay, she's in New York," Maya smiled.

"Are you allies of Konoha?" Kisame asked.

"What's Konoha?" Maya asked, pretending to not know.

"How about Suna?" Kisame asked again.

"What's a Suna? Is it a cookie? Does it taste good?" Maya asked eyes wide.

"It's a country," Itachi told her.

"Oh…we have countries like China, Japan, Canadia, and Iceland," Maya told them.

"This isn't working," Kisame sighed.

*

Zetsu stared at the T.V. He tilted his head to the side.

"_Wonder what it is_," the white side asked.

"Doesn't look edible," the black side responded.

"Zetsu-san! Tobi found something!" Tobi came running in, "What is this?"

Zetsu stared at the blender.

"I have no idea," both sides said.

*

"Listen you little (censored), where are we," Hidan snarled.

"We are in Santa Barbra, in California, in the United States," Claire snarled, the added, "of America."

"There is no United States of Jashin-knows-what!" Hidan yelled.

"Then where are you, Nevada?" Claire yelled, "You are the most egotistical, self centered (censored) I have ever had the displeasure of knowing!"

"That's it! Come here!" Hidan yelled, launching himself at Claire.

"Wait! She could have more information!" Kakuzu yelled, trying to pull them apart.

*

"Are there any jutsu here?" Itachi asked.

"What's a jutsu?" Maya asked.

Itachi did Ameratsu. There went the azalea bush.

"No," Maya was very pale, "we can't do that."

*

"Hey Leader-sama, I found something un!" Deidara yelled.

Tobi, Zetsu, Konan, and Pein all came into the living room where he was.

"What is it Deidara," Pein asked.

"It's a map of Santa Barbra, un," he told them.

"I'll be darned," Konan muttered, "This is a real place."

"Tobi, get Itachi and Kisame. Deidara, get Kakuzu and Hidan, bring the captives also," Pein ordered.

T obi ran outside and yelled, "Leader-sama wants every one in here!"

Deidara walked up the stairs, opened the door, and froze. Kakuzu was holding Hidan back, while Claire stood in a corner. The room was destroyed.

"Uh…Leader-sama wants you guys," Deidara quickly left.

After a couple of minutes, and some fighting, every one was back in the living room. Pein stared at them, before talking.

"It turns out that Santa Barbra is real," Pein told them.

"Oh! Pwned you! What now sucker!" Claire yelled, pointing at Hidan.

"Riiiiight, anyway, we need these two alive because they know the area," Pein told them, "They will be our servants here."

"Wait, how about…good hosts?" Maya asked, "Whose rooms are private?"

"That's basically the same thing," Kisame told her.

"Yeah, but last guy to call Shay a servant got cursed," Claire told them, "at least now, she'll be semi-happy."

"Is there anything we need to know," Pein asked.

"Don't go in our rooms, they're private. And no magical ninja stuff, or killing people," Claire told them, "That's bad here."

"Well, now that that's settled, who wants waffles?" Maya asked.

*

Shay waved goodbye to Jack, who had dropped her off. She turned and walked up the driveway to 271 Monica Ave. It was a pretty little house, two stories, plain, and average. But when she opened the door, nothing would be average again. Shay stared at the criminals seated around the dining room table, being served waffles by her best friends. Shay blinked, but the image still stayed. What happened while she was in New York?

_I showed up! Yay! Shay's my favorite character, and I'll be having a huge show down between her and the Akatsuki. Please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Kay. I got a review saying this is like another story, and I've read that story. Don't worry, it'll be completely different. I've got leprechauns, an amazing appearance by Edward Elric, not the real one mind you, and catapults. The major conflicts will be coming from a past relationship, and bar stuff. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. _

_______________________________________________________________________

Deidara stared at the boy standing in the door way. He was rather short, and wore a hat, a sweatshirt, and was starting at them with stunned amazement.

"Shay! Why are you back?" Maya asked.

"The show finished," the boy continued to stare.

Shay huh. That was an awfully unusual name for a boy.

"Wait, I thought you said this Shay person was a girl?" Kisame asked.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU CREEPY LOOKING FISH GUY!?" Shay yelled, blue eyes burning with righteous fury, "I LOOK LIKE A GUY!? I LOOK LIKE A GUY?! HOW ABOUT I (censored. Look, I have to do this because my parents read this) YOUR FISHY BUTT (censored) LEPRECHAUNS (censored) CANADA!"

Stunned silence. Pein was staring at the girl with a raised eyebrow. She was rather interesting.

"Wait, so you are a girl?" Kisame asked.

Shay's eye was twitching dangerously by this point. With a feral snarl, she pulled off her sweatshirt, and hat. Short light violet hair framed her face, and a very tight t-shirt proved that she was indeed, a girl.

"Alright Claire," Shay growled out, "Who are the freaks and why are they here?"

"These so called freaks are the Akatsuki," Claire told her, hoping Shay would catch on. Although Shay was incredibly smart, she still had her moments.

"Aren't the Akatsuki…?" Shay started to say.

"Yeah! Who would have thought that they would have the same name as a band, huh Shay?" Maya asked.

Shay blinked a couple of times, and then frowned.

"Sure. Whatever. I'm going to bed," Shay sighed, leaving the kitchen while muttering about idiots.

"Look, freaky-ninja-dudes, Shay has a wicked temper, so don't mess with her," Claire told them.

"I think we can manage a little girl," Kakuzu told them.

"Don't let her hear you say that, it runs in her family or something," Claire muttered.

"What runs in the family, un?" Deidara asked, eating a waffle.

"Hating being called short," Maya giggled, "Here's our introductions. I'm Maya Rodriguez, she's Claire Thornton, and that was Shay Elric."

"And the dog attacking lolli-pop boy is Leon," Claire pointed.

Indeed, Tobi was getting beat up by a Pomeranian. Konan opened her mouth to start the introductions when a loud yell was heard.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?!"

Everyone ran up the stairs to find a furious Shay standing at the door to her destroyed room, growling.

"That's why I didn't want her to come home," Claire whispered.

"Well?" Shay asked in the type of voice you always hear when you're about to die.

"Hidan and Claire did it," Kakuzu told her.

Shay rounded on them, and started with a list of death threats that gained a few raised eyebrows.

"I'm going to get you two morons on a bus, and when it starts moving, hang your head out the back and drag it on the asphalt so that it slowly rubs away," Shay hissed.

"You should calm down," Itachi told her.

"Shut it Vampire-guy," Shay snapped.

Everything froze when Shay heard that. The Akatsuki were watching the glaring match between the two, who were both furious. Then, a voice asked behind Hidan, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Watching a staring contest," Hidan frowned, turning, "Who are you any…Holy Jashin-sama!"

Everyone turned to stare at the intruder, who wore her brown hair in a ponytail, with a ton of piercings.

Smiling, she said, "Whaz up? I'm Jack."

_GASP! Are there no guys in this place? I need a character idea. Send it to me. I need a guy who can work with a lazy bum, an emo, and a psychopath in a bar. Up to the challenge? _


	4. Chapter 4

_Next chapter, YAY! : ) Right, so, here's the fun par. Introducing…JACK!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. _

_______________________________________________________________________

There was stunned silence as the group stared at the girl with varying degrees of the shock. She had long brown hair that was pulled into a ponytail, and her light brown eyes sparkled. The thing that gained the most attention was that her ears were pierced, a lot.

"Yo, did you dudes hear me?" she frowned.

"Jack, this is not the best time," Shay growled out.

"Why not? Did Leon get in your room?" Jack looked into the room and whistled, "Wow…Leon wrecked your room! It's like an earth quake hit! Did the little dude get on a sugar high?"

"No, Claire and her freaky with haired friend did it," Maya smiled, giggling at Jack's confused expression.

"Ah…" Jack frowned, "I don't get it."

"As interesting as this is, what I want to know is where you came from," Pein demanded.

"The front door, duh," Jack glared at him, "Five bucks I gots more piercing than you."

"What is she talking about?" Kisame asked Shay.

"Who knows," Shay shrugged, light blue eyes bored, "She quit making sense in eighth grade."

"How long have you tow known each other than, un?" Deidara asked.

"Um…about…seventeen years, give of take a year," Shay shrugged, ignoring the stunned expressions, "So, Jack, why are you here?"

"You forgot your button hat," Jack smiled, handing Shay a hat covered in buttons, "don't want you to lose it!"

"Alright, I'll be seeing you at work tomorrow right?" Shay called after Jack, as the girl walked down the stairs.

"Yup!" Jack waved bye, "Settle the freaky dudes in some rooms tonight, it'll save you a lot of work tomorrow Shay!"

"What ever," Shay sighed.

"Um…Shay, how often does that thing show up?" Tobi asked.

"You mean Jack?" Shay frowned, "Basically, whenever she feels like it. Glad you met her, welcome to Santa Barbra."

________________________________________________________________________

_I still need characters! Come on! Well…whatever, it's alright. Have fun reading. _


	5. Chapter 5

_Alright, I know that I've been gone for a while, but Angel yelled at me to update, so here it is! Oh my God, I love Spottedstat106 and Electric banana! They gave me character ideas! And this will be where the paint comes in. Poor Akatsuki, they never knew what hit them…_

_______________________________________________________________________

"Freaks from our living room! Rise and shine!" Claire yelled.

"Umm….maybe this isn't a good idea. I mean, Shay doesn't like it when we show up to work, so…" Maya trailed off as the Akatsuki entered the kitchen, all incredibly annoyed.

"What is it?" Pein demanded.

"We're gonna visit Shay at her job," Claire grinned evilly, "and introduce you to her coworkers."

"Why? We see her every day, un," Deidara frowned.

"Tobi wants to visit Shay! Shay called Tobi a good boy!" Tobi attached himself to Maya, who was giggling at his joy.

"It would be a good way for us to learn more about this place," Konan told Pein.

"Yeah right, you just want to go to a bar," Kisame sighed.

"Whatever," Claire sighed, "We have to leave now if we're going to make it to the bar. Luckily anyone who would care about what you look like is in Santa Cruz right now, so let's go!"

*

Jack yawned as she was painting the Black Dragon bar sign. Somehow, by the time Patricia had gotten out to yell at her, she had already coated the sign in ten coats of paint remover. Now she was stuck repainting it. That had to be better than what Shay was going through. The poor girl was being bombarded with questions about the guys in her house. Snickering at her friend's misfortune, she didn't notice the paint that was precariously perched on the edge of the roof slip and fall, right onto an unsuspecting sharks head.

"What the (censored)! When I find who (censored) did this, I'll (censored for another ten minutes)!" Jack frowned.

"I know that voice," She muttered, looking down.

Her eyes widened as she saw Kisame covered in black paint, "Yo! Sorry about that! Go on in and ask the others for some new clothes!"

The Akatsuki glared at her a moment longer before going in. As they entered, the were met by a smiling girl with long black hair that hung in a ponytail, with red bangs.

"Hey, we don't open for like, another three hours," she told them, tongue piercing making weird noises.

"Ah, come on Raven! These are the guys Shay was telling us about," another girl, this one with short blue hair and gray eyes smiled at them, "I'm Patricia Martin. Shay's boss. Pleased to meet you guys. Judging from the paint on that blue guy, Jack's still painting the sign."

"Yes," Zetsu sighed, "She's…interesting."

"Yeah," Raven rolled her eyes, "The only one who gets her is Shay."

"That is so true," Claire sighed.

"What are you idiots doing here?" Shay snarled, stalking up to them with a giggling Jack.

"They are here to become one with American bars," Maya told the four girls dramatically, "In fact, the even need…"

Everyone leaned in at the tone of Maya' voice. It sounded very important.

"New clothes and socialization."

________________________________________________________________________

_Hahahahaha! I am evil! Next chapter, the Akatsuki gets new threads, and the Black Dragon Bar opens…_


End file.
